Thursday 7 October 2010

Our House, in the middle of our fetid street...

We now have a house. I say house, it would be better classified as an asylum for mice, dampness, and a selection of rare moulds (hitherto, have been discovered in the british isles). Just 45 minutes before i wrote this blog i recieved a text meassage from my housemate Greg, which read as follows:
'There's moss growing in my bedroom!'
....he later proceeded to text me telling me how gifted i was at water polo and how he admired me, and how he loves my dress sense and wishes he could be like me and i was like:
'dont worry greg you have plenty to live for, one day, you may be like me...but you just hang in there little trooper you.?'

Anyway, after that discussion that happened earlier i thought it would be good to write a blog about our house and thus i am typing away, using my beautiful and dainty fingers.

We should be getting a plummer in on monday so we can finally have hot water. (he's going to bring some in a thermos flask). But yeh, that will be good, and hopefully we could hire a basking shark to breathe heavily in our house and filter the dampness out of the air. If that doesn't work I'm sure a Polish guy will do the same job for half the price. I assume they are also filter feeders and live off plankton?
The house came with a pack of unused Vacuum Pack bags which i used yesterday to store some bed sheets. I am now trying to decide on a ridiculous item to vaccum pack. My own hair? A sparrow? A balloon? Sand? Weng? (what the hell is Weng?).
But it seems the dampness is not only causing a rapid growth in moss and mould and other things beginning with 'M' but also it is warping our Moors... *Doors. Our doors don't want to close now. The wood grain is expaning at such rapid a rate that I fear i will become engolfed in cheap, unvarnished pine within the next 48 hours. Even the soil in my plant pot is harbouring a fuzzy blue mould, and im pretty sure the spores are settling on my body when im asleep and giving me moles. I have about 3 new moles on my body that i wasn't aware of, its either the mould spores or exposure to gamma rays, probably more likely to be the latter since i recently grew a shin on my sternum. I named it 'Alicia Benedril Silverstone'.

We had mice but they seemed to have fucked off now. I named them all 'Alicia Benedril Silverstone'. This blog makes our house sound like an absolute shit hole of a squat. It's not. It got refurbished over the summer and looks fairly nice. The house seems to be subsiding a bit, but that just adds character and our garden is good coz we can burn shit in it.

played football yesterday. enjoyed it.


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