Rudely awakened by the fire alarm at about 5am. (lame). Forgot to put shoes on and the floor was cold and stabby (lamer than your mates uncle who is an Elvis impersonator)

In the afternoon I went to take photos, but was pretty unsuccessful. On my way back i went into a charity shop and found a little book about the works of Salvador Dali, i thought to myself, at £1.75 i gotta get a piece of that. Having waited in a dordling queue of decrepit pensioners i was then told that the minimum spend on debit card was £4. FUCK SAKE BRITISH HEART FOUNDATION. I therefore trekked 546 miles to the nearest cashpoint, withdrew some money and then trekked back again (ALFing* the whole way). I purchased the book and went on my way back home. It is hideously uncomforting, that when strolling through Southampton, you realise Braintree is not an anomoly... there are masses of disgusting, inbred, obese, glutonous, grimey people here too. I (maybe naively) thought that muffin tops and gunts would not be as prolific down here but it seems that the sea monsters must have been copulating with the people of this coast, breeding a multitude of mutant people, each with their own bizzarre look and quite often, smell.

Later in the evening i went to the library to print some stuff and get a book out. On my way back i popped into a grotty pub to quickly have a look at the football they had on.... i then felt slightly intimidated and bought a pint. There was a very drunk man who looked similar to Chris Moyles who slurred out the crappest ramblings to me, but seemed alright. I think he had been made redundant today from what he was saying and he was supposed to meet his dad but he didnt turn up. The best thing he said to me, (after i had asked him where he was from) was "The same place as you." I replied "Ah really? you from Essex?" to which he replied " No, my mums tummy" (with a stupid smirk whilst rubbing his stomach).

There was another bloke in th pub who seemed very strange. He was fairly old, wore a bright red sweater, a rucksack, and would constantly wink and smile. It must have been a twitch or something but he did genuinely seem happy and he was rather amusing to watch. I left the pub and went home. Ate soup.

*ALF - Annoyed Lips Face

thanks readers x